Old Post – October 20, 2006 – Learning

Wow… I just re-read this and it was a great reminder of where I was a year ago and the goals I set for myself. I think I will print this one out so I can read it more often and remember how important it is to live life without fear. I especially like this line, “I will live life honestly and will assume that others are doing the same.” I work every day now to be my genuine self and it will be good for me to have this reminder to trust that the people in my life are doing that same work.

In my ongoing attempt to know myself and better myself I learned a lot this week. The biggest thing I learned about myself is that I want to have fun in this moment. I learned this through a series of other discoveries:

I think I have lived much of my life half-assed. I have been trying for so long to shelter myself from hurt that I have not allowed others to know my authentic self and I have unwittingly chosen behaviors that have not supported my end goal. These things do not protect me from future heart ache, they only spur it on. Not allowing others to see me does not keep my heart closed to them. Asking a million questions to try to understand others does not change my feelings, it only makes them feel pressured.

So if you can’t protect yourself in the midst of a relationship, you’re left with two options… avoid relationships all together; or dive in head-first, enjoy life right now, and live without fear of future hurt. I choose life without fear. I want to enjoy all the people in my life and I want them to enjoy me, which means I want them to know my authentic self. I am smart, I am funny, I am strong and capable. I will live life honestly and will assume that others are doing the same. I will take people at their word… really hearing them and believing them when they tell me nice things.

And I will have fun in this moment.

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